Watergate. 1973. That’s what led to the practice of putting the word “gate” after a noun to denote a major scandal. It’s an easy and lazy way to sum up any major controversy. Journalists (including yours truly) love it. Till now, though. One day after the Ranchi Test, there’ve been too many gates. And now even we’re searching for the door out.
It all began with Pitch-Gate in Pune. Now, cricket pitches in India, just like reservations and demonetisation, are controversial topics. Especially so in India. If you’re from the International Cricket Council worldview, any track that offers turn and spin isn’t a good one. To paraphrase Donald Trump, they’re “sad”. Total disasters and all.
So that’s what happened in Pune and Bengaluru. In Pune, it turned an awful lot. So much that Ravindra Jadeja, who’s renowned for his metronomic accuracy, was getting ball after ball to spit past the edge over and over again. It was the humbler Steve O’Keefe who got the wickets. It backfired on India and it backfired on Pune. Harbhajan Singh called it a “no-pitch” (Umm, really, Bhajji?). The Maharashtra Cricket Association darkly pointed fingers at the Board of Control for Cricket in India for “hijacking the pitch”.
Poor Pune got a “poor” rating for the pitch it served on its Test debut. That didn’t stop the speculation about Bengaluru. It got to a point that India’s coach Anil Kumble had to gently point out the bleeding obvious: “It’s only 22 yards”.
Bengaluru’s pitch was...in a word, weird. The bounce was horribly uneven. You could have bet your top dollar (or rupee) that it would have given rise to an even bigger controversy. But then something happened. Something major.
The many different ‘gates’
Decision Review System-gate. Or to put it succintly, DRS-Gate.
We all know the facts, even if they’re a trifle alternative. Smith looked at the dressing room. Kohli said he did it multiple times. Kohli didn’t offer any proof. The ICC said “Play along, little laddies, don’t be naughty”. The BCCI got furious. Then they didn’t. Kohli put on his sunglasses and said “I don’t have any regrets”. Smith still continued fuming.
And the respective media of both the countries loved it. Everyone loves a good fight, remember? They loved it so much that they fought a proxy war. Good ol’ Australia running in and defending their dear captain Steve Smith’s honour from those blood-thirsty Indians. India jumping to their king Kohli’s defence at the slightest opportunity. Really guys, when there’s even the slightest hint of a scrap, Kohli’s going to go in and blow it up more. You’re really trying to protect him from that one?
Enough already!
Unfortunately, even though it was called DRS-gate, not much time was given to DRS anyway. It still remains a system prone to throwing up errors. Guess what though? No one cares.
In between, there was Face-Gate, a combination of a horror show and Ishant Sharma’s face. Actually, they’re the same thing. Maybe that’s why Steve Smith left that Jadeja delivery in Ranchi in the second innings – he might have been haunted by that face. That face. A face to haunt your wildest nightmares.
Ranchi beckoned and there were two great batting knocks. Steve Smith for Australia in the first innings, Cheteshwar Pujara for India in their first innings. Ravindra Jadeja made a flat pitch look venomous. But, of course, the sole topic of conversation revolved around something else. Virat Kohli’s shoulders.
Shoulder-Gate reared its head when Kohli, diving gallantly at the boundary on Day 1 in Ranchi, fell on his right shoulder and walked off limply clutching his right shoulder. The rest of the day, like a Greek god, he sat bare-chested in the dressing room with a ice-pack clutched to his shoulders, a lordly general surveying his soldiers. But there was not much gallant about what his soldiers were doing. Conceding a lot of runs.
The thing about this series is, is that there’s not really any room for a chuckle or laugh. It’s a crime. So Glenn Maxwell was stupid when he chased a Pujara shot to the boundary and saved it. He didn’t hurt his shoulder but grinned and clutched it. Bad move, Maxi. Bad move. You do remember that you have an IPL contract with Kings XI Punjab, don’t you?
Unwittingly, Steve Smith had a role to play in it as well. Indian fans went to town enraged that the Australian captain and Maxwell were supposedly “mocking” the greatest, the best, the batsman. How could they taunt someone injured? Even VVS Laxman, who is normally a mild-mannered bloke, didn’t approve.
Shouldering the blame
Except for one small problem. Smith never mocked Kohli. It wasn’t his hand on his shoulder. It was an optical illusion! Turns out it doesn’t take much to fool a billion people in one go.
But, Kohli...well, has he ever backed down? So he decided to do an exaggerated display of clutching his own shoulder when David Warner was dismissed in the second innings. Basically mocking Maxwell who was mocking Kohli. So basically Kohli was mocking himself. Full on Inception level stuff.
Warner got involved and then India’s genial-looking physio Patrick Farhart did. A grim-faced Kohli, after the Ranchi Test, claimed (you’d think he’d stop doing this, don’t you?) that Australia’s players mocked their physio. Steve Smith put on his best deadpan expressionless face and said “We ain’t done no such thing”.
Enough already. Thank god, there’s only a Test left. Cricket was better off in the days that the only gate in the game was the gap between pat and pad.